40th Day

Today marks the 40th day after the death of my beloved grandma. There was mass held in her house today but I was not there to celebrate it. May God judge her fairly and place her among the good people in heaven.

Reminiscing the few last days of her life, I remember visiting her on Christmas morning at the hospital. She was lying on her bed with her tired eyes. I hold her hand, wished her Merry Christmas and said sorry for what she'd been through. How I wished she could be with us to celebrate our family day and Christmas celebration at home. The doctor told us about her condition, she couldn't eat any solid food because her throat was swollen. We left afterwards. We still went on with the celebration because that was my grandma's wish. She did not want anyone to be sad on Christmas day. My cousin and aunties took turn to care for her in the hospital. 

The next day, we were shocked when my uncle called to inform that grandma's condition was getting worst. The moment we heard about the shocking news, there were silence between us for some moment. We were speechless until mother told us to get dressed quickly. We rushed to the hospital and saw most of the families member were already there. We went in to see her and she was breathing heavily  and had to use oxygen mask. Everytime someone talked to her, her heart beat faster. But she couldn't say a word, only her tears kept on falling . My heart ached so much. Doctor asked us to be prepared. I can only prayed for God's help and strength to accept whatever happened at the moment. Everyone cried. Soon a priest and a sister offered mass for her. All of us standing by her bed side praying for her. We asked for her forgiveness and told her it's okay for her to take a long rest . My sibling, hubby and I went home at 11pm when we noticed that her condition became stable.

When we reached home, we couldn't sleep. We were all awake except for my little sister,  just to wait for any phone call. At 2.30am the next morning, dad came knocking and told us that grandma has finally died at 12.40pm, just few minutes after her daughter from Telupid arrived. Strange things did happen on that day. We were puzzled when Celcom line suddenly experienced interruption and mum couldn't reached us to tell us the sad news. My father's first knock on the door was then  followed by Celcom's noticed to inform us that  there were more than 10 miscalled from my mum just after grandma last breath.

We rushed to grandma's house. Everyone was there waiting for the undertaker to finished their job before we were allowed to see her. I went to search for mum. she said she was okay but I know she was very sad. Grandma's face was so peaceful . She died with a smile in her face. she looked even prettier when my aunties put light makeup on her, and make her wore her favorite green scarf which she wore to church every Sunday. Actually this is the very first time I had the gut to see dead people lying in a coffin and touched them. Maybe because she was my grandma and that made it less frightening. We stayed at grandma's house that night.

The next morning, we went home to do house chores and headed back to grandma's house. More and more people came to pay their last respect. In the evening, there was Rosary prayer offered to my grandma. When they sang the "Amazing Grace", I couldn't hold my tears any longer. We stayed again for the night.

The next day was the funeral day. There was no priest available that day to do the mass. But few of my uncle and aunties were catechist, so they did the mass. When the casket was close, I can't hold my tear. Luckily, hubby was there to give moral support. Each family members was given the chance to pay their last respect. When it was my turn, I told her how much I love her, asked her to rest well and also asked her  to pray for us the living people on earth. Before we headed to the graveyard, my cousin as our representatives took a chance to thanked all the people for their continuous prayer and generous donation.

When we arrived at the graveyard. Daddy was already there. Then there’s a short prayer. I was just 3 steps behind, and I saw everything from the beginning till the end. I watched them lower the casket in the ground and and then a lid is put on the casket. I stood back and watched them cover the hole. Everything was happening so fast and smooth. By the time I realized it’s over, everyone was throwing flower petals on her grave.

Then we head back home feeling lighthearted. Thank you, Lord for making everything went smoothly. Thank you for the nice weather for those 3 days despite that it’s still in a monsoon season. We really miss her presence.

'Gone home to glory'...
in loving memories of Madam Martha Sutinah...

6/3/35 - 27/12/11...
May your soul rest in peace...