The Journey

Hello everyone. It's been a while. It's just me who are too lazy too blog. So let me begin by announcing the good news. I'm finally PREGNANT!!!! After trying to conceive for more than a year, with lots of prayers and efforts, the good God granted our prayer. Thank God for that.

The journey has not been easy. After we got married in 2010, I made a decision not to get pregnant. Not until I transferred back to Sabah. At that time, I was too afraid to get pregnant by myself in Klang. I just couldn't imagine how to bear the pregnancy without any family member there. Six month after the wedding, I finally got transferred back to KK. That was the moment hubby and I really tried hard to get me conceive, but failed everytime. Each time when I thought my period was late, we went to check it with the pregnancy test kit. Unfortunately, we were devastated with the result.  We were so frustrated that we stopped buying pregnancy test kits. We tried most of the method that we knew. The Calendar Method, Fertility Charting, Cervical Mucus Method, eating folic acid religiously... But, nothing happened.

It is very stressful when people started to ask us that compulsory question each time without failed. It makes us heart broken when people around us make fun of us and even make their own conclusion that we may have reproductive problem. No matter how much I hated what they said, I could only just smile and forgive them. I believe God has the best plan for me at the right time. During the stressful moment, we went up to the Camerlite monastery to seek prayers from the Carmelite Sisters. During the year end school holiday, mum accompanied me to get traditional massage at my hometown. I only had to went for three session and the aunty (the tukang urut) said everything was fine. My peranakan is in the right place. The problem is, I have a very gassy stomach. The remedy sounds very easy, I just have to drink a cup of garlic drinks everyday to cure the gassy stomach. Oh my, I never imagined it'll be that hard. Besides that, I was told to say the St. Anne's Prayer.  

In the beginning of the year 2012, hubby and I had a discussion and decided that we will seek professional help from doctors if I failed to conceive by the end of February. We were trying very very hard before the dateline arrived.  On March, I noticed something weird happened to me. Apart from the late period, I started to hate some smells, I dislike some dishes, I only wanted to drink soup and i became very easily irritated or annoyed over small things. My instinct strongly told me that I might be pregnant. But I do not want to  believe in my instinct. I did not tell hubby anything about that. I just kept it to myself. It may sound selfish but I couldn't bear seeing husband's frustrated face if anything went wrong. By the end of March, hubby popped out the question about us seeking help from doctors. I suggested that we went to buy pregnancy test kits before we made any further decision since my period was late. So, we went to buy 2 pregnancy test kits at Watson on 22nd March. I tested it the next morning before I went to work and to my surprise the indicator showed that I'm pregnant. I quickly woke up my husband and told him about the test. We were both very happy with the result at first but we were not that confident yet. Later that evening, hubby brought me to Rafflesia Medical Center (RMC) to have a check. It was already 7pm and I convinced that the clinic was already closed. Hubby insisted we just went in and made an appointment. I believe everything happens for a reason. Upon reaching RMC, Dr Sutha, the gynecologist was still in the clinic. She asked us what we wanted to know. Being a first timer, hubby just said that we wanted to confirm the pregnancy. So off we went to do the scan.Thanks God it is for real. I was in my 7 week when i first did the scan. Dr Sutha became my gynecologist ever since then. Now, I'm in my 26 week of pregnancy. Few more weeks before I bid farewell to 2nd trimester and welcomes the 3rd trimester.

This is the part of the journey through my pregnancy. I'm not here to brag but just to share story about my life and to remind myself what I've been through after all this while. Happy reading people... There will be more sharing about my pregnancy in the next post. 

Have a wonderful Saturday!!!!

Wordless Wednesday

40th Day

Today marks the 40th day after the death of my beloved grandma. There was mass held in her house today but I was not there to celebrate it. May God judge her fairly and place her among the good people in heaven.

Reminiscing the few last days of her life, I remember visiting her on Christmas morning at the hospital. She was lying on her bed with her tired eyes. I hold her hand, wished her Merry Christmas and said sorry for what she'd been through. How I wished she could be with us to celebrate our family day and Christmas celebration at home. The doctor told us about her condition, she couldn't eat any solid food because her throat was swollen. We left afterwards. We still went on with the celebration because that was my grandma's wish. She did not want anyone to be sad on Christmas day. My cousin and aunties took turn to care for her in the hospital. 

The next day, we were shocked when my uncle called to inform that grandma's condition was getting worst. The moment we heard about the shocking news, there were silence between us for some moment. We were speechless until mother told us to get dressed quickly. We rushed to the hospital and saw most of the families member were already there. We went in to see her and she was breathing heavily  and had to use oxygen mask. Everytime someone talked to her, her heart beat faster. But she couldn't say a word, only her tears kept on falling . My heart ached so much. Doctor asked us to be prepared. I can only prayed for God's help and strength to accept whatever happened at the moment. Everyone cried. Soon a priest and a sister offered mass for her. All of us standing by her bed side praying for her. We asked for her forgiveness and told her it's okay for her to take a long rest . My sibling, hubby and I went home at 11pm when we noticed that her condition became stable.

When we reached home, we couldn't sleep. We were all awake except for my little sister,  just to wait for any phone call. At 2.30am the next morning, dad came knocking and told us that grandma has finally died at 12.40pm, just few minutes after her daughter from Telupid arrived. Strange things did happen on that day. We were puzzled when Celcom line suddenly experienced interruption and mum couldn't reached us to tell us the sad news. My father's first knock on the door was then  followed by Celcom's noticed to inform us that  there were more than 10 miscalled from my mum just after grandma last breath.

We rushed to grandma's house. Everyone was there waiting for the undertaker to finished their job before we were allowed to see her. I went to search for mum. she said she was okay but I know she was very sad. Grandma's face was so peaceful . She died with a smile in her face. she looked even prettier when my aunties put light makeup on her, and make her wore her favorite green scarf which she wore to church every Sunday. Actually this is the very first time I had the gut to see dead people lying in a coffin and touched them. Maybe because she was my grandma and that made it less frightening. We stayed at grandma's house that night.

The next morning, we went home to do house chores and headed back to grandma's house. More and more people came to pay their last respect. In the evening, there was Rosary prayer offered to my grandma. When they sang the "Amazing Grace", I couldn't hold my tears any longer. We stayed again for the night.

The next day was the funeral day. There was no priest available that day to do the mass. But few of my uncle and aunties were catechist, so they did the mass. When the casket was close, I can't hold my tear. Luckily, hubby was there to give moral support. Each family members was given the chance to pay their last respect. When it was my turn, I told her how much I love her, asked her to rest well and also asked her  to pray for us the living people on earth. Before we headed to the graveyard, my cousin as our representatives took a chance to thanked all the people for their continuous prayer and generous donation.

When we arrived at the graveyard. Daddy was already there. Then there’s a short prayer. I was just 3 steps behind, and I saw everything from the beginning till the end. I watched them lower the casket in the ground and and then a lid is put on the casket. I stood back and watched them cover the hole. Everything was happening so fast and smooth. By the time I realized it’s over, everyone was throwing flower petals on her grave.

Then we head back home feeling lighthearted. Thank you, Lord for making everything went smoothly. Thank you for the nice weather for those 3 days despite that it’s still in a monsoon season. We really miss her presence.

'Gone home to glory'...
in loving memories of Madam Martha Sutinah...

6/3/35 - 27/12/11...
May your soul rest in peace...

 

Short Updates

Hello everyone. Good morning and Happy Sunny Saturday. I've been neglecting my blog for quite sometime now. While waiting for hubby to finish fixing the ATM machine here in Wisma Muis, I guess I'll make a short entry here with my tablet. So, here goes some short updates from me since December last year. Sound so yesterday, isn't it? 

• Celebrated Christmas and our SUGGGIT family party at my hometown. 
• Went to a traditional urut-mengurut session during the school holidays to help my TTC plan. 
• My maternal grandmother had finally gone home to glory to be with our Creator 2 days after Christmas.
• My maternal grandfather's brother passed away on New Year's eve.
• Hubby's maternal grandmother is sick. Same illness as my deceased grandma.
• Went to a cousin engagement and so happy to hear that my sister is also going to be engage this coming May.
• Went house hunting with hubby but came back with nothing. It was a great experience though.

That's what happened to me since the hiatus. There was sadness through the end of the year 2011 but still life has to go on. That is how the life cycle goes.

Ok people, got to go now. Sengsara sa mo menaip di tablet ni. HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR AND HAVE A PROSPEROUS DRAGON YEAR!!!!